Margot (midnight_birth) wrote in margot_quotes,

How to Live with a Neurotic Cat by Stephen Baker.


Title: How to Live with a Neurotic Cat.
Author: Stephen Baker.
Genre: Non-fiction, animals, zoology, science, humour.
Country: U.K.
Language: English.
Publication Date: October 22nd, 1987.
Summary: Does your cat express his love for you by lying on the book you're trying to read? Does your cat fight with your houseplants, play "clear the shelf", and refuse to come when called? Does your cat insist on plenty of space... like the entire living room? Chances are that your beloved pet, like million s of other cats, is neurotic. In this hilarious cat's eye view of the world, Stephen Baker, an animal behaviorist and humourist, tells you everything you need to live happily ever after with your feline friend.

My rating: 7/10.

♥ A recent census taken among cats shows that approximately 100 percent are neurotic. That estimate is probably on the low side.

The reason for their neurosis is simple enough. It’s you.

Consider this. Your cat loves everything about you: your living room couch, the food you eat, the bed you sleep on, your television set. He enjoys sharing these things with you. Yet, many owners take up more space on the bed at night than their cat; and change television channels indiscriminately; and refuse to offer a seat to their cat at the dining table.

♥ Kittens are born their eyes shut. They open them in about six days, take a look around, then close them again for the better part of their natural lives.

♥ Fortunately, the average household is usually well stocked with other toys just right for the cat looking for something to do:

Light switch: It goes on with a flick of a paw.
Clock: Adjust the hands, stop the pendulum.
Toilet bowl: Flush it, listen to it gurgle.
Toilet paper: See how much there is left.
Shower: Turn the faucet, hot or cold.
Soap: Slide it across the floor into the living room.
Dishwasher: Change the switch to “full cycle.”
Mop: Eat the spongehead.
Vacuum cleaner: Empty the dustbag, see the dirt fly.
Burglar and smoke alarm: Make it go off, wait for the police and the fire department.
Garbage can: Flip the top, open, strew the dinner on the floor, start picking.
Pressure cooker: Sleep in it.
Food processor: Push the bottom, watch it swirl.
Pillows: Take them to the next room.
Umbrella: Snap it open.
Blow dryer: Watch the hot air escape.
Telephone: Take the receiver off the hook.
Typewriter: Type a letter.
All doors: Open them.

1)Have plenty of large towels handy when you bathe a cat. You will need them to dry yourself off.

2) Do not use ammonia, turpentine, or paint remover when washing your cat, much as you may be tempted to.

3) Do not put your cat in the washing machine, much as you may be tempted to.

4) Do not flush your cat down the toilet, much as you may be tempted to.

5) Remember: It is ducks who take to water, not cats.
Tags: 1980s - non-fiction, 20th century - non-fiction, 3rd-person narrative non-fiction, animals, british - non-fiction, humour, non-fiction, science, sequels, zoology

  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.