Margot (midnight_birth) wrote in margot_quotes,

The Villain's Guide to Better Living by Neil Zawacki.


Title: The Villain's Guide to Better Living.
Author: Kathryn Lasky.
Genre: Non-fiction, how-tos, humour.
Country: U.S.
Language: English.
Publication Date: 2001.
Summary: The answers to such trying questions for villains as: Home decor — Gothic? Apocalyptic? Ikea? Friends — Do I have any? Can I make them? Work — Should I be a mad scientist or a corporate bastard? How can my surroundings indulge my inner (or not so much) evil?

My rating: 8/10

♥ Sure, it's good to be bad, but the life of a villain is not always about blocking out the sun. It's easy to forget about the little things that make life livable. You can conquer the world, but you can't quite conquer your checkbook. You can invent a death ray, but you still have to work nights at the video store. You can even replace all humanity with robots, but you can't convince any of them to go to the movies with you.

♥ It is possible to achieve an authentic Egyptian look even without the help of a slave army. Instead of inlaid gold furniture: wicker. Instead of parquet floor: sisal rugs. Instead of mind-reading cats: non-mind-reading cats. More ambitious despots can re-create the Sahara in seconds by filling an entire room with sand. Add a potted palm, and you'll feel like you're in ancient Thebes. Finally, a curtain of wooden beads adds color and interest. A poster of Scorpion King does not.

♥ A trip to the dump should net you everything you need. Look for destroyed sofas, charred tables, and beds with rusty springs hanging out. If you prefer your furnishings extra-trashed, filch them from a local fraternity house.

♥ *Leadership demands ruthlessness, contempt, and thick boots for grinding people underfoot.
*Teamwork requires sacrifice, often to the Dark Gods.
*Deliver what is expected and nothing more, unless it's a knife in the back.
*Provide low-quality products that attack customers while they sleep.
*Do unto others before they do unto you.
*Do damage control unto others before they sue you.
*Promote strife and discord at all turns - it's good for business.
*Bribery is, of course, at all times acceptable.
*The Golden Rule: Those who have the gold, rule.

♥ When you arrive at your pal's place, greet him in a positive manner. At no point should you attack or behead him - that's for enemies, and this guy's your friend.

♥ Even if you can't afford it, there is no reason you can't stay at a four-skull hotel. You'll just need to barter with the management, pointing out the leaks, the smells, and the fact that you have a very large battle-ax in your hand.
Tags: 2000s, 21st century - non-fiction, 3rd-person narrative non-fiction, american - non-fiction, how to guides, humour, non-fiction

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